Chapter Text
“So, you got your flights booked?” I stretched across the length of the bed on my side. My elbow was propped against the pillow to hold the screen steady in front of me where I had a clear picture of Jake’s room. He leaned his phone against a pillow as he cleaned up the clothes scattered across the floor.
He popped his head into frame from the left at my question. “Yeah, I fly in kinda early that morning and fly out early too.”
“Are you staying all week?”
“Yep!” he grinned. “Tuesday to Tuesday. Shit is expensive, though. I would have run all the way there to save money, but I can’t really carry my suitcase as a wolf.” He shrugged his shoulders and disappeared to dump his armful of clothes into the hamper.
I snorted. “You literally wear the same four outfits, Jake. Just tie them to your ankles.”
“I have toiletries, too, you know! And my closet is decently sized, thank you very much. I just have a certain style.”
“Jorts and a t-shirt.”
“Excuse me for being financially responsible. Underconsumption to tear down capitalism, baby!” The picture blurred and grew choppy as he grabbed the phone from the bed. It refocused a second later on his face as he frowned. “They didn’t give you and Charlie too much grief yesterday, did they?”
I shook my head and adjusted to lay on my back. “No, actually. They were pretty…reasonable about it.” I hooked one arm under my head as the other hovered the phone in the air. “They want to meet you, though.”
He shrugged. “Figured they would. I’d want to meet the mysterious stranger coming onto my land, too.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You are many things, Jacob, but not mysterious. Oh! By the way, if they ask, you’re the one I punched instead of Paul.”
Jake’s brows pinched. “Uh, okay?”
“You also didn’t try to rip my head off. Very important detail.”
He laughed and dropped down onto his bed hard enough I could hear the springs creak. “Whatever, Swan. As long as it gets me up there, I’ll tell them whatever you want me to.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “I am curious, though, how much like the Cullens are they? I never had much experience with them, but Sam did and you did. What should I expect?”
My mouth opened with a reflexive response, but the words were halted on my tongue. Before, I would have told him they were the exact same: self-centered and on a high horse about their lifestyle. That description didn’t feel right, though—I wasn’t quite sure it would have ever been right. “They’re more…human.”
He stared at me like I’d suddenly sprouted a second head. “Huh?”
I looked for the right words as I tried to explain, “They built this town and live in it. And I mean they actually live in it unlike the Cullens did in Forks. I guess they just took on more human traits somehow…I don’t know.”
“So…you’re saying they’re not as weird?”
“Oh, no. They’re still fucking weird,” I chuckled. They definitely didn’t blend in with the rest of the town. Max’s description of “eccentric” fit very well. “Just not as strange.”
Jacob looked thoughtful for a moment and then it quickly disappeared. He leaned back against the wall beneath the window his bed was under. “How do you feel about these guys? Overall.”
I paused as I considered his question. “I guess they’re okay. I mean I always knew they were nothing like James or Victoria, but I guess now they’re not really like the Cullens either? I don’t know. They just are kind of—”
“Physically too much like the Cullens?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. I dragged my hand from below my head to cover my eyes. “Is it bad of me to hold that against them? To always be questioning if they’ll be like them just ’cause they know them?”
“With your history? No.”
I peaked at him through my fingers. “Really?”
He nodded. “Birds of a feather screw together, Bells.”
“It’s ‘flock together’.”
“Whatever. My point is that it makes sense you would, Bella. You were almost murdered for fuck’s sake! Of course you would hate their kind. Seeing any physical resemblance to the fuckers who caused that would trigger anyone’s PTSD.”
He had a point. I knew he did. It didn’t mean I liked feeling that way, though. I clenched my jaw and looked away from the phone. “I guess.”
“It’s okay to be uncomfortable around them, you know,” he continued gently. “It’s expected. It’s also okay for you to not have the urge to tell them to ‘fuck off’ every time you see them, though. Hell, if you even want to be nice to them. I hate to admit it, but they’re doing more than the Cullens ever tried to. They’ve been…honorable. You have reason to not be a complete and utter bitch all the time.”
I groaned and pushed myself to sit up in bed. “You’re right. I just—I get so confused and frazzled, you know? Like I can feel that a part of me hates them still, but it’s not them I hate anymore? It’s just what they remind me of, or…I don’t know. It just confuses the fuck out of me, Jake; especially, around Tanya.”
His brows jumped with interest. “Tanya?
“Yeah, the leader.”
“I know who she is, but why does she confuse you?”
I shook my head in frustration. “I don’t know. She’s just so kind to me. Almost annoyingly kind. I can get so angry with her, but she’s always just so understanding. It’s so annoying, but it’s also nice to have that grounding presence, you know?”
He blinked a couple of times as that thoughtful look returned to his eyes again. Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “So, it’ll be your birthday the week up I’m up there, are we gonna buy some booze?”
I froze. My birthday. I had completely forgotten my birthday would be that week. I was certain Charlie had remembered and had kept his mouth shut for me to realize how the plans had worked out. “Err…”
Jake burst into laughter. His familiar wide and bright grin split his face in two. “I knew you wouldn’t remember. Did you really think I was gonna let you celebrate up there alone?”
My ears grew hot. “No. I just wasn’t thinking about it! I’ve had a lot more to be concerned with, you know.”
“Yeah, well, lucky for you I’ll be bringing all the presents we got for you with me. Sue is helping me pack a whole extra suitcase to make sure they aren’t damaged.”
“You—”
“I want to,” he said firmly. “And you should know you don’t get a choice in these matters anymore, Bella. No matter how unwilling you are, we are gonna shower you with our endless love and affection. Wolves are pack animals, after all.”
I laughed dryly and shook my head. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Bells.”
“You didn’t tell me Jake was planning a party.”
Charlie sat in the living room with a cup of coffee as he watched a show. He grinned over the coffee mug. “I knew you’d remember eventually,” he chuckled. “And I wouldn’t call what he wants to do planning. More like he’s been spouting ideas about driving you to bars or liquor stores so you can buy your first drink.”
“Yeah, he sounded pretty pumped about it over the phone.” I dropped onto the couch beside him. “I think he’s more excited about it than I am.”
“He asked me if there were any bars near town he could go into at eighteen.” He laughed when I gawked at him in disbelief. “You’re important to him, Bells, and I think he’s eager to catch a glimpse of being twenty-one.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Yeah, well, I never really planned on doing the whole drinking thing.” I’d drank a few times back on First Beach with the Pack, but it’d never really appealed to me. The feeling of my joints having different centers of gravity was something my clumsy ass couldn’t afford.
“What about pot, then?”
“What?!” I spun on him so fast I was certain my neck snapped. I had to process the words again to make sure I had heard him correctly. Had my father—Chief of police in Forks—just suggested I took Jacob to a dispensary and buy weed?
He held up his hands in surrender. “I know I’ve never been a fan of it, but it’s supposed to help with your symptoms. Plus…you might enjoy it more. I don’t know. It’s legal up here, is all I’m saying.” He paused. “Billy already said it was fine.”
“You asked Billy?”
“Well, Jake’s his son.”
“We hadn’t even discussed it yet!”
“No, but I’d intended to bring it up.” He sighed and set his hand on my shoulder. “Look, Bells, I just think you should have some fun on your twenty-first. As an officer I’ll pretend you haven’t ever drank before and simply have a moral aversion to it, but as your father I believe you should let yourself try something new.” He sipped from his coffee. “Besides, I can’t just keep buying you books for your birthday. I have to shake it up a little.”
“With drugs.”
“Yes. As all good fathers do.”
I covered my face with my hands. I wasn’t against the idea (I’d thought of it a few times myself), but I was astounded they had discussed it at all. “Never did I think my dad would give me his blessing for something like this.”
“And my money. Don’t forget it’s a birthday present from your Old Man. Would ten bucks cover it?”
“In the seventies, maybe.”
“Oh…twenty?”
I brought the idea up to Jake the next day, and he was sold before I finished the word “dispensary”. He was doing research on nearby shops before I even had the chance to tell him Charlie offered to pay.
“Denali doesn’t have one,” he fired off over the phone, “but one of the bigger towns nearby does! And they have a website, which is cool. Oh, they do online orders! That means you can pick it up without me having to be with you. I mean I’ll be there but not there. I can’t get drunk easily, so I bet I need a high dose. Don’t you think? Should I do like eight hundred? Maybe we can get a chocolate bar, and I can try more squares as the night goes on. You can have one, too! Well, your tolerance is probably really low, so you’ll probably want something—”
“JAKE!” He talked so fast I could barely keep up with him. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You didn’t let me finish. At this point it’s not a big deal, but Charlie said he would pay for—”
“THAT’S EVEN BETTER! We can buy as much as we want and not have to worry about it! Charlie is a great guy. Hell, we could stock you up for the rest of your trip, Bells! How much weed do you think you’ll need?”
I didn’t even know how to respond. Eventually, I just sighed and sat down on the bed. “Sure, Jake, sure. I don’t know since—”
“We’ll just get you some to try out. You can always go back later. For me, though, I bet we could…”
He rambled on for several minutes. It varied between gummies versus chocolate bars, and how much he thought it would take to get high. It was agreed that smoking was out of the question since my breathing was fucked up enough from the chemo. I had little urge to put anything other than oxygen in my lungs.
After about an hour of Jake scouring the online shop of not only the nearest dispensary but also several in Anchorage, he was satisfied enough to let the topic die out. Admittedly, I was excited about the prospect as he was, but I didn’t have the urge to scavenger hunt for the perfect place when it was still three weeks before we could even obtain it. I wanted to do research first.
“This is gonna be so fun, Bella,” he gushed. “I can’t wait to see you high. We can make a night out of it, too. Watch some movies, get a whole bunch of snacks and drinks, and maybe even a fort like we used to as kids.”
I smiled at the memory. We would always grab as many blankets and pillows as we could find in the house to create the largest forts possible in the living room. I remembered many nights cuddled under blankets watching cartoons and falling asleep to the tv’s glow. “That would be really fun, actually. Maybe some of the old classics?”
“Hell yeah! Like Lilo & Stitch and Adventure Time.”
“I feel like we should add The Fault in Our Stars to the list.”
“No,” he said firmly. I didn’t need to see him to know he had taken his Superman Pose like he always did when putting his foot down. “I’m not allowing our night of childhood nostalgia and drug taking to be turned into sadness and depression.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Who just recommended a movie about people who die?!”
Tanya’s car sat outside of the Little Bookshop when I arrived a few days later. Jake and I had been calling or texting nonstop the last few days, but I had yet to reach out to the Denalis to let them know we had settled on a plan for Jacob’s arrival. I had needed to restock on books, anyway, so I figured I would kill two birds with one stone.
Jerry was at the counter, like always, and greeted me with the same amount of enthusiasm he always did. I wasn’t sure if he was simply that happy of a guy or that good at projecting the image. “Hey, Bella! Welcome back. Are you looking for Tanya or books?”
“Hey, Jerry,” I smiled and scratched the back of my neck. “It’s both, actually.”
A small smirk appeared that he quickly tried to wipe away, but I caught it. Internally, I wanted to die as I realized my mistake. Max had thought Tanya had a crush on me because of Kate, but I had gone looking for her. Twice. The rumor would be around town before dinner time. “Sure, no problem. Go ahead and browse. I’ll let her know you’re here.” He spun on his heel and walked a little too happily towards the Employees Only door.
Well, fuck. The attention had finally gone down after a few weeks of the cancer gossip. Now, I was about to be center stage again with an even worse spotlight on me. I should have just texted her the news. Why hadn’t I just texted her?
I sighed, reluctantly accepted my unavoidable fate, and trudged towards the mystery aisle. I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long for Tanya to join, but I was serious about adding a few more books to my collection. My eyes scanned the shelves, and I picked up the first title that looked interesting. I flipped it over to the back.
“There will be nothing new at the rate you’re going.” Tanya’s amused lilt pulled my attention from the book. She had her hair pulled back into a loose bun with a few stray pieces framing her face. The light caught her hair just right to make the soft red and pink hues glow beautifully.
I quickly looked down and shrugged. “Well, you’re the one who gave me a discount. You can take it away if you’re just going to complain about my patronage.”
“Oh, I would never. Your presence is always welcomed, Bella.” She leaned her shoulder against the shelf and smiled. “You said you were looking for me.”
I set the book down. It appeared to be more of a horror-themed mystery than a thriller based one. “I wanted to let you know the updates on Jake’s plans. He’s coming in on the tenth and leaving the sixteenth.”
Tanya nodded with a look of slight confusion. “Your father reached out yesterday. I agreed for him to meet our family the next day after he was settled.”
My mouth opened and then closed dumbly. Well, that made me look like an idiot, didn’t it? “Oh…he didn’t tell me.”
She shrugged politely. “I’m sure it slipped his mind.”
“Or he went rogue like I did.” She raised her brow questioningly, and I explained, “He wanted to ask your family together about Jake coming. Present a united front and all of that.”
She hummed. “I see. Why did you ‘go rogue’, then?” She used her fingers to create air quotations with a slight smirk.
I thought about my words carefully. I hadn’t quite been able to figure out the intuition I’d had myself. It was a sort of innate feeling—similar to one I had with Jake when I knew how he’d take bad news. I hadn’t gotten much further than that, and I was honestly not trying to. “I thought it would go over better with less people.”
“Fair enough,” she agreed. “I must admit, if I’d had a choice in the matter, it was the way I would have preferred. A planned meeting like that usually becomes more like a confrontation, and I do hate having to make a rushed decision because of confrontation.” Her lips spread into a small smile. “I appreciate you not putting me in that position.”
I felt my neck heat up, and I quickly turned my attention back to the shelves. “You’re welcome.”
There was a moment of silence as I scanned the shelves again. I skipped over a few books due to the author and settled on one a few inches out of my reach. I didn’t even consider the option of standing on my tiptoes to reach as I usually would. I could feel that set of molten gold eyes boring into my head, and I was not about to do myself the indignity of being on my tippy-toes in front of her.
I began to subtly search for a step-stool to boost myself up with when a pale hand elegantly reached up and plucked it from the shelf with ease. “You know,” she began as she held the book in offering, “I can recommend some things for you based on what you’ve bought.”
I frowned as I took it. “You’ve been watching my purchases that closely?”
Tanya shook her head and laughed. “No, I haven’t been. I do own a bookstore, however, and therefore must be capable of making recommendations.” She waved her arm grandly over the shelves surrounding us. “Go ahead. Test me.”
I considered her for a moment and then shrugged. What harm was there? “Alright.” I turned to give her my full attention. “I enjoyed the one you gave me. The tragic love story.”
Her eyes lit up. “I know just the book. Follow me.” Eagerly, she turned on her heel and started down the shelves towards the romance section. I followed behind her both intrigued and slightly amused. She walked right up to the book she wanted and plucked it from the shelf. She spun on the ball of her foot and held it towards me proudly. “It’s called They Both Die at the End. The ending is essentially in the title, but it’s a queer romance between two boys. I assume that is a genre you’re comfortable with?”
I snorted. “Considering I’m a part of it, yes, I am.” I took the book from her and read the inside cover with interest. The storyline sounded compelling—wholesome and heartbreaking as well which was right up my alley.
If I hadn’t been so engrossed with the synopsis, I would have seen Tanya’s features lift at my words. “You are?”
I shrugged noncommittally and didn’t look up from the book. “I go with whoever.” My sexuality wasn’t something I had ever put much thought into. It was brought up once by Jacob when we were fourteen when he asked why I looked at girls the same way I did boys. I told him they were pretty, and he agreed girls were pretty. That had been the end of it, really, and I hadn’t really felt the need to clarify more since then. I liked who I liked.
“I’m bisexual myself.”
My attention snapped back up. “You are?”
She nodded with a soft smile. “Yes. Both of my sisters are, as well.” Her fingers tucked one of the loose strands behind her ear. “We’ve been alive a long time, as you know, and it’s been warming to see the rest of humanity catch up with our kind’s attitude towards it.”
I tilted my head thoughtfully. I hadn’t ever really thought of what a queer immortal being would have experienced in the world before. To have seen the rise of the homophobia we knew today in comparison to when it wasn’t as stigmatized. Or, to simply see the world slowly crawl towards begrudging acceptance and then embracement of that side of themselves again. Part of me wanted to pick her brain on what exactly she had experienced over the years.
Instead, I held back and tucked the book under my arm to join the first. “I never knew vampires were such an accepting bunch.”
She laughed, and her eyes twinkled. “You grow to understand what actually matters in life when you live for so long. Love is one of them, and fearing love is one of the largest wastes of time in history.”
“You should start a seminar.”
“Perhaps one day. Could I count on your attendance?”
“…maybe.”
The brilliance of her grin nearly threw me off balance. Warmth bloomed in my cheeks; I tucked my chin and turned for the counter. Tanya spoke up as I went, “I expect the feedback for my input to be exemplary, you know.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
